This past Tuesday we gave a presentation at our local Rotary club explaining our adoption journey.
THANKS SO MUCH to everyone who came out and supported us! Also, thank you for all the kind words you said that day, and for all the sentiment we’ve received this week through calls, texts, emails, and comments on Facebook and our website. We are truly blessed to be part of such an amazing community.
If you missed the presentation, we tried to answer the top 10 questions we’ve been getting regarding this process. Here’s the info we presented if you’re curious:
1) Why are you adopting?
We met in high school & had plenty of opportunities to talk about a future family. Adoption was never a “second best” option. However, we’re at this stage now because of infertility.
Infertility means not being able to get pregnant after one year of trying. About 10% of women (6.1 Million) in the United States ages 15-44 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).
2) What type of adoption are you doing?
We’re pursuing a domestic infant adoption. There are many ways to adopt, and the 2 most common are:
- Foster to adopt
- A child of any age is removed from their home involuntarily by the state for one of many reasons
- Act as a foster parent to a child. If a child is unable to reunite with their parents, adopt the child and raise them as your own
- Generally no cost
- Private / Agency Adoption
- Hire an agency or attorney to help pair prospective parents with birth mothers who want to voluntarily make an adoption plan
- Costs range between $10,000 – $50,000
3) Will your child be from the US? Local?
We’re pursuing a domestic infant adoption in the United States. A match with an expectant mother in the local area is most likely, but there’s a possibility of a match with an expectant mother anywhere in the US. Our agency (Bethany Christian Services of Northern CA) is a national organization, so we’re good to go no matter what part of the country our child comes from.
Here are some fun stats on adoptions that happened with our agency in 2017:
- 17 Placements
- No twins, all newborn except one 14-month-old
- 2 birth moms changed their minds after placement (both changed back!)
- 2 Changed plans before placement (after match meeting)
- Hospital calls: 0 (but 2 called right before delivery)
- Average birth mom age: 26 (range 17-38)
4) Do you get to choose the gender or race of the baby?
We were given the opportunity to narrow our focus on a specific gender or race, but we decided to not specify anything. We’re interested in becoming parents and feel confident we’ll be matched with the child who we are meant to be matched with.
Here’s a fun breakdown of stats from our agency in 2017:
5) Will you know who the birth mother is?
Most likely, but not necessarily. Expectant mothers can make an adoption plan at any point; Generally they start making these types of plans in their 2nd or 3rd trimester. An expectant mother can choose to meet with prospective parents, and we hope we have the opportunity to meet with any expectant mother who thinks we might be a good fit for her child – having some type of openness in our adoption is important to us.
Here’s some stats from our agency around birth parents who made adoption plans in 2017:
6) Do you get to name your child?
Yes. However, we know that naming a child is very personal. While laws are pretty straight forward here, emotionally it’s a pretty complex issue. This article does a great job at explaining all the complexities.
7) How long until you have a baby?
Short answer: we have no idea! There are so many factors in play that there’s no way to know at this point. In 2017, the average wait time for an adoption through our agency (once a home study was complete) was 16 months. However, the range was anywhere between 1 month to nearly 3 years. Here’s the full process (we’re on the “hurry up and wait step”):
8) Will you tell the child that they are adopted?
We are going to have an open adoption. In this type of adoption our child will know they are adopted from a very early age. In many open adoptions, the adoptive families maintain some type of contact with the birth parents/families, and we hope this will be the case in our situation. There are so many great resources explaining why open adoption is better for everyone involved (we like this explanation). This graphic helped us understand more about what open adoption actually is:
9) What happens if you get pregnant after the adoption? I know someone…
Statistically, there’s an 8%-17% chance this will happen for people in our situation. While everyone who’s said this to us has said it out of a place of love and excitement, it’s not the best thing to say to people hoping to adopt. Here’s an excellent article discussing the unintended message this question conveys.
10) How can we help?
If you know or hear of anyone who is thinking about making an adoption plan for their child, please think of us and call us or forward our contact information. If you are comfortable doing even more, here are a few ideas:
- Follow our blog – www.thejacksteitsadopt.com
- Share our website/blog on social media
- Hand out our adoption (business) cards
- Distribute our adoption profile
You can get additional info on these ideas here.